When Life Gives You Lemons

I say fuck the lemons, just give me the tequila! (totally irrelevant and ironic)

 

It’s safe to say this year for me so far has not been the greatest… Let me break it down for you…

  1. I ended up in hospital after drinking a litre bottle of Famous Grouse and attempting suicide for the 4th? time.
  2. I was then admitted into a psych ward (a Spanish one I might add) for 48 hours due to the continued self deprecating suicidal thoughts… (Stay tuned for a special blog on this one)
  3. My boyfriend then broke up with me and fucked off back to Manchester the selfish little prick, so yes, another relationship bites the fucking dust… yes it was a “new” relationship but one I had yet again invested myself in all the same.
  4. I had to start therapy again, and after a good year or so without it, anyone who has been there will know it feels like taking ten steps back and it fucking sucks.
  5. I lost a couple of clients with my little “cleaning business” but then I guess I did gain a couple too, so maybe this one doesn’t count?
  6. I was also in the process of trying to find a housemate to share with me where I currently live so I didn’t have to stress too much about the cost of rent and bills all by myself… I found someone, a great guy actually, who unfortunately pulled out last minute as he got onto a personal training course back in the UK. Something which I SELFLESSLY told him to pursue but as it transpires, it’s s course you can basically do from anywhere in the world (anyway, minor details)… regardless… you wanna know how I know you can do it from anywhere in the world? I did my own research for my own benefit because it is something I have always been interested in . Going to the gym really helped me overcome addiction and gave me coping mechanisms that helped with my depression and anxiety.

 

Anyway, Long story short…. I am a firm believer in that everything happens for a reason.

Why did I meet this guy, this “potential housemate”? Why did he talk about personal training etc that INSPIRED me to push myself and pursue my own fucking dreams of becoming a personal trainer myself?

Firstly I wouldn’t have met him had I not been in Spain, not looking for a housemate and almost certainly if I had still been with my boyfriend.

At the time the pain of another heartache was all too much to bear but now, in hindsight and what a beautiful thing it is, has showed me that it ALL HAPPENED FOR A REASON. I have been through all this shit to find my path again.

I lost my way. Again. Had my heart broken, Again. But this wasn’t all for nothing I guess, because now I feel like I see my own future again. Me myself and I.

Life teaches you a lesson and you hopefully learn from it and move on.

Well fingers crossed, this time next year I could be running my own fitness studio, or as I pointed out to my parents earlier, this qualification combined with my university degree in creative writing…. I could end up writing for a magazine such as women’s health.

See?

I think everything does happen for a reason?

And you know what? Fuck the lemons, give me that shot of tequila any day.

Every day is a new day.

Today I would like to share one of my coping strategies. It’s also a big hobby of mine and I try to do it at least three to four times a week. It’s a healthy addiction (believe me I’ve had many, most of them VERY unhealthy ones) and it really helps with my depression and anxiety. Can you guess what it is? That’s right… it’s THE GYM! Yes I am one of those annoying fitness people (sometimes).

I’ve recently started having personal training sessions with a guy at my local gym and it has been one of the most empowering experiences of my life. He’s teaching me and training me on how to lift heavy weights, correctly and carefully. I have to say it’s pretty damn amazing. I can feel myself getting physically fitter and stronger every time I go and I feel incredible for it. Strong independent womaannn 😉

However, I’m yet to discover any abs (extremely disappointing) due to the fact my nutrition is probably not 100%. I struggle sometimes with binging and overeating, mainly sugary and extremely delicious foods that are quite bad for you if not eaten in proportion to a healthy diet. I never used to struggle with this but my medications seem to make me crave sugar and carbs. Oh the joys of being on antidepressants and mood stabilisers*. Even though they do wonders for my mental health, they’re not so great for my physical health. Although I am slowly getting there with dealing with my cravings, it still feels like a bit of an uphill battle with this one. For any of you that has the same problems, I really feel for you cos it isn’t fun. Especially in today’s society where the need to feel perfect is so strong, people resort to starving themselves and worse. I will elaborate on this further in another blog, so hold up.

Anyway, sorry for rambling on, I sometimes feel the need to say a billion things at once! But the jist of what I am trying to say is that where there’s a will, there’s a way and if you want something bad enough YOU ARE CAPABLE of getting it. You just have to be patient and persist. I know this is easier said than done because when you suffer with depression it’s hard to sometimes even get out of bed or wash yourself or even eat. I know, I’ve been there and it’s a dark and soulless place. It’s all about those baby steps. I have faith in you. You might not see the light yet but it’s there; just behind those dark grey clouds, it is there. I promise.

So when all else fails and you feel like punching someone or hurting yourself? Go to the gym. It works wonders. Even if you struggle to get yourself there or get going, once you do you will feel a new sense of purpose. It might even clear those clouds. You just gotta hang on, it will be worth it.

xxx

 

 

*Mirtazipine and Quetiapine